Shouting Lies Across Seas of Misunderstanding 2/4

[rose_the_hat]

Title: Shouting Lies Across Seas of Misunderstanding
Author: Rose
Pairing Jared/Jensen
Rating NC-17
Words 28,900-ish
Warnings/Enticements Mpreg, knotting, A/B/O dynamics, scene of nonexplicit noncon
Summary: At the tender age of twelve Jensen unexpectedly went into heat and was the victim of a brutal attack, the result of which was pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. Twenty years later Jensen is happily married to his Alpha, Jared Padalecki. For the past several months they have been trying for a child only to be dealt with false hopes and ultimately the devastating news that Jensen is unlikely to conceive. A moment of passion changes everything but will a few misspoken words rip away everything Jensen has ever wanted?
Author’s Notes: Written for the 2014 spnmpregbb. For more extensive Author's Notes, see the Fic MasterPost



The party at the newly christened Padalecki Advertising was in full swing. There was a dual reason for the evening’s celebration. The company had landed a multi-million dollar account with Kripke Pharmaceuticals and Jensen was named a full partner, not something he ever expected to happen, and CFO. There seemed to be no end of toasts to Jensen and speeches welcoming Kripke Pharmaceuticals to the Padalecki Advertising family, but the champagne and open bar went a long way to keeping everyone in good spirits. The party was supposed to be for the higher ups but as Jensen moved through the crowd, he saw interns from the art department, mailroom clerks, and administrative assistants, all of them with a smile and a slap on the back for him as he passed. If he didn’t know them by name he knew their faces and accepted their congratulations.

“Everyone! Attention, everyone!” Jared’s voice carried across the large room, the chatter quieted down and all eyes turned to the Alpha. Jensen’s breath still caught in his chest when he looked at him. He was dressed in black slacks and a sapphire blue silk shirt, open at the throat and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off his lean forearms and those veins Jensen loved to lick. The fourteen thousand dollar Rolex Submariner flashed on his wrist. “I know between my brother and all the others who have given speeches you’re probably sick of them and just wanna enjoy the free booze and food.” There were a few hearty cheers in the affirmative. “Yeah, well, I outrank all of you,” Jared said good-naturedly, pointing to a few people in the crowd. “I just want to say a few words about Padalecki Advertising’s newest partner, my husband Jensen Padalecki.

“I met Jensen when he was a lowly Assistant Account Manager. He was so soft spoken and shy I didn’t expect him to last long, but he did. He came out of his shell and has always worked hard. He makes old and new clients feel valued and important, takes the time to show new employees the ropes, and he has earned everything he has achieved. Jensen, I love you more than anyone or anything and I am so proud of everything you have accomplished and look forward to seeing where you go from here.”

The crowd let out a chorus of “awww’s”. Jensen felt his cheeks heat.

“He’s gonna want your job next, Jay-bird!” Jared’s older brother Jeff said throwing an arm around Jared.

“Then yours!” Jensen shouted out to the CEO.

“Ooo!” Jeff said, narrowing his eyes playfully. “Gonna keep my eye on you now, boy!”

The boisterous laughs and voices of friends and colleagues got louder as the evening wore on and the alcohol flowed. Jensen had downed glass after glass of the excellent champagne, loving the way the bubbles tickled his nose; getting more relaxed—okay, tipsy—with every swallow. He was grateful for the change in routine. He had been so devastated after what Dr. McCoy had told him, and Jared’s subsequent admission that he wasn’t sure he wanted children, that he dove into work. Jensen stayed late at the office and went away on more trips to schmooze and network. At work, things between he and Jared were cordial, normal, but at home they tended to tip toe around each other. As a result there was a gulf growing between him and his husband. It was as if he and Jared had once been whole but were now shattered and put back together wrong. Jensen wanted to fix it but wasn’t sure how.

He moved through the crowd, smiling and greeting those who said something to him, but there was only one person he wanted to see: Jared, who after giving his speech seemed to have disappeared. Jensen did see his brother-in-law talking to someone and made his way over.

“Hey, Jeff,” Jensen greeted.

“Hey, Jensen. Having a good time?”

“Yeah. You seen Jared around anywhere?”

Jeff glanced around the room. “Uhh, not for awhile. Have you checked his office?”

That seemed a likely place. He didn’t think Jared would just bail on him. “No.” Jensen turned to go.

Jeff laid a hand on Jensen’s shoulder, stopping him before he could leave. “Jared’s been a little quiet lately, and you, you’re here practically 24/7. Not that I don’t appreciate your dedication, that’s why I made you partner, but…is everything okay between you two?” Jeff’s eyes intently searched Jensen’s.

Jensen dropped his gaze. “We’re fine,” he lied. Things while not being horrible between himself and Jared, they were not good either. “I’m gonna go find him.”

“You do that.”

Jensen wandered out into the hall and down to the bank of elevators, humming and bopping along to the music. He pressed the button to call the elevator, sipping his champagne as he waited. When the car arrived he stepped inside and hit the button. He swayed back and forth to the soft music playing in the elevator as the car rose smoothly to the eighteenth floor. The doors slid open and Jensen walked out, stumbling a little, but made it to Jared’s office. The door was open partway. Jensen poked his head in. A lamp was on but otherwise the spacious room was dark. Out the window the city of Dallas sparkled below, the sky still streaked with the deep purple of late summer sun. Something in Jensen’s chest seized as his eyes landed on Jared. He was in front of his desk, broad shoulders slumped and head bowed.

Jensen dropped his empty champagne glass and approached the other man. Over his shoulder he saw Jared looking at a picture of them in a silver frame. A selfie Jensen had taken on the deck of the Devil’s Trap during their trip to Lake LBJ three months ago. Jared was in his low slung board shorts, his white sailor cap perched at a jaunty angle on his head, and Jensen in his Captain’s hat, both making goofy Blue Steel expressions. He wished they could rewind back to that time, back to when he thought Jared wanted a baby and Jensen thought he could give Jared one. Before everything seemed to crumble.

He wrapped his arms around Jared’s waist and pressed his cheek to his shoulder. “I miss you,” Jensen whispered, hugging him tight. That wasn’t what he meant to say but the champagne had loosened his tongue.

Jared’s big hands covered Jensen’s. He laughed, but it sounded bitter. “’M right here, Jensen. Haven’t been anywhere else. You’ve been pushin’ me away, remember?”

He hadn’t meant to push Jared away. Jensen was trying to deal with his sorrow that he would never have children, and because Jared didn’t want them, Jensen had no one to share his disappointment with. Jensen pulled away and turned Jared around. His angular face was hidden in shadow, eyes glittering. Jensen’s grateful for the low light, afraid of what he might see written on Jared’s face or in his eyes. “Kiss me?” Jensen asked, voice small.

Jared did, all teeth and tongues, desire and a touch of desperation, devouring Jensen's mouth until his lips were swollen and tender. Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared, pressed himself close to the Alpha, and returned the kiss with as much passion as he could. The musky pheromones coming off Jared had Jensen producing slick, cock filling with blood. His hands slid through Jared’s thick hair, pressing their mouths together harder as their tongues battle for dominance.

“Want you, Jen,” Jared panted against Jensen’s mouth, not really breaking the kiss.

Jensen’s slick leaked between his thighs, and felt the press of Jared’s erection against his own. Something inside Jensen, something elemental, cried out for Jared, without the heat-haze driving them, just them moving together, giving and taking pleasure from one another. Jensen had made the decision to stop taking his Ompressant. He had no need of it now as a married Omega with an Alpha to get him through his heat, and his heats had been the only time Jensen turned to his husband for sex since the lake trip.

“Ugh, want you, too. So much.”

Jared’s hands pulled at the button and zipper on Jensen’s slacks. He took Jensen’s mouth in another filthy open-mouthed kiss as Jensen’s pants fell to the floor and puddled around his ankles. His boxerbriefs were stuck to his thighs, cock heavy and thick. Jensen turned, laid his palms flat on the top of the desk, bent slightly at the waist, and spread his legs. Jared’s fingers curled around the waistband and tugged them down.

“Jared. Jared, please,” Jensen glanced over his shoulder to see Jared on his knees, nosing the slick crease of Jensen’s ass.

“Smell s’good, baby.”

Jared spread his asscheeks wide. Jensen clenched his inner muscles and felt slick drip out of him. The Alpha made a sound suspiciously like a whimper before leaning in to lick. Jensen shuddered, spread his legs as wide as he could. “Jare,” his voice choked.

“Taste even better than you smell. Could lick you for hours.”

Jensen groaned as Jared once more buried his face between his spread cheeks, lapping and circling his hole. Jensen scrabbled at the desk searching for purchase. His heart raced in his chest, breath coming in short hallow pants. “Jared, Jared. Please, God, Jared.” His eyes rolled back in his head as Jared sealed his mouth around his hole and sucked the slick out of him. The only thing louder than the filthy sound of it were Jensen’s moans.

“Jared, Jared, please.” He was breathless, on the edge of orgasm just from Jared’s tongue in his ass. As incredibly talented as that mouth and tongue were it wasn’t what Jensen wanted. The last time Jared fucked him, touched him, in any way approaching sexual, had been during his last heat cycle at the beginning of the month. He ached for Jared’s cock, to feel it spreading him wide, ached for the physical connection that had somehow been broken. “Fuck me. I want you to fuck me.”

Jared ceased his tongue fucking and smacked Jensen’s ass. He pushed to his feet. Jensen heard the clink of Jared’s belt buckle and the rasp of the zipper. He pressed himself tight against Jensen, Jensen felt the hot hard length of his cock. He bit his lip. Jared’s arms came around him. Jensen closed his eyes, swooned. It felt like months since he’d been this close to Jared.

“Mmm, sound so desperate, Jen.”

He nodded, hips grinding back against Jared. "I need your cock, Jared, want you to fuck me. Please, please, Alpha, fuck me.”

Jared licked a stripe up Jensen’s neck, nibbled at his ear. “Love you like this, Jen, strung out and beggin’ for me.”

Jensen dropped his head between his shoulders, a gesture of submission he didn't usually perform. A deep growl rumbled from Jared’s throat. He pushed Jensen down so his chest was flush to the desk. Jensen turned his head, resting his cheek against the polished wood. His hands moved reverently along Jensen’s sides, to his hips, fingers digging in.

“God, so hot spread out on my desk. Wanted to do this for so long, Jen. Dreamt about it fucking you like this.”

“Then do it. I want you to. Please, Jared.”

“Could never deny you anything, Jen,” Jared imparted before he slammed his cock deep into Jensen, not in heat he felt the stretch and burn more acutely, but relished it. Jared pounded into Jensen with a ruthless pace. Jensen moaned like a whore and pushed back to meet his brutal thrusts. He cried out as Jared’s cockhead skated over his prostate on every push inside.

The loud slap of skin against skin, Jared’s guttural grunts and Jensen’s shouts echoed through the spacious office. Jensen felt his slick leak down his thighs every time Jared shoved in deep and hard. It was all Jensen could do to hold on and beg for more. His cock, trapped between his stomach and the desk, dribbled and smeared precum across the glossy surface. Sweat dripped down his temples, his shirt was stuck to his back and chest.

Dear God, everything felt amazing; every sensation pushed him ever closer to the edge. Their lovemaking had always been intense, all the more so because of their emotional connection, but as of late that had been absent. This was raw; animalistic. Jared was taking and owning, possessed by desire instead of obligation when Jensen was in heat.

When Jared’s harsh rhythm started to falter, he reached a hand around to grip Jensen’s neglected cock and it was over after a couple of fast hard strokes. Jensen shouted out, as his cock erupted in Jared’s fist, sticky cum dripping through his fingers. Jared howled as he came, shooting deep and hard onto Jensen.

His Alpha collapsed against him, pressed a sweet kiss to that sensitive spot just below Jensen’s ear while milking the last drops of cum from Jensen’s twitching cock.

“Fuck, that was hot,” Jared said after a couple of beats.

“Top five best fucks, easily,” Jensen replied, breathless, legs shaking. Jared was still shooting cum inside him despite them not being tied together.

Jared’s laugh was deep and sent shivers of renewed arousal through Jensen. He pulled his cock out and a flood of cum leaked from Jensen’s open hole and ran down his thighs. He turned, Jared was still mostly hard, knot swollen at the base of his cock, wrapped his arms around Jared and kissed him hungrily.

“I love you, Jare,” Jensen said softly, clinging to his husband, feeling inexplicably that if he lets go Jared will vanish. It had been wrong to pull away from Jared the way he had. What did it matter in the end? They loved each other, and that was the important thing. Maybe it didn’t matter so much if Jared didn’t want kids. He was still young. He could change his mind in a few years and they could look into adoption.

Jared’s smile was warm but sad and it made Jensen’s heart tremble. “I love you, too, Jensen, so much. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

* * *

Jensen gagged and spat, bringing up nothing but bile. He flushed the toilet and slumped back against the stall wall of the executive washroom. He had been puking his guts up since he came into work, and this wasn’t the first time it had happened. Seemed like every day for going on three weeks he couldn’t seem to keep anything down. The knob rattled and the door was pushed open. Jensen wiped his mouth. He didn’t give a shit who came in, although he wasn’t particularly jazzed about another employee seeing him in his current state. His stomach was still trying to wage another revolt and he was not going to risk moving.

“Jensen, baby, what are you doing on the floor?” Jared rushed to the stall Jensen was currently calling home and knelt beside him, eyes clouded with worry.

“’M sick, Jare,” Jensen mumbled. He snapped his mouth closed as his stomach lurched threateningly. He was sick of being sick. He wished this damn stomach bug he’d picked up would run its course, but it was hanging on like a damn tick. Except there was a little voice in his head, growing in volume every day, telling him maybe this wasn’t the stomach flu. Stomach flu was contagious and Jared wasn’t showing any signs of coming down with it, not that he would be likely to with his Alpha immune system, but surely the Betas and other Omegas Jensen worked with and saw on a daily basis would. Everyone around him was healthy.

In addition to his persistent nausea and vomiting other new and exciting symptoms began to accompany it, though nothing as disruptive as the vomiting. His nipples were tender, the once-delicious smell of coffee turned his stomach, and Jared’s smell was sharper, and Jensen wanted to bottle it and roll around in it like a cat in catnip. If Jensen didn’t know better he would think he was pregnant but that wasn’t possible. He was ruined and scarred inside. Jared’s sperm couldn’t take root. He and Jared hadn’t made love since the night of the party, both too busy with work on the Kripke account and campaign and Jared hadn’t even knotted him that night. No way could Jensen be pregnant. Unconsciously his hand went to his abdomen. Yes, Jensen still very much wanted a child and was still trying to reconcile his desire with the fact that he was unlikely to have one. Maybe as a way of dealing with his grief he was having another one of those pseudo…pseudo. What had Dr. McCoy called it? Pseudo…False pregnancy. That had to be it, or possibly the stress of his new position and responsibilities at Padalecki Advertising. Maybe he should see a therapist about this. Maybe they could give him better coping mechanisms for his sorrow instead of false pregnancies.

“Lemme help you up.” Jared extended a hand. Jensen took it and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Big mistake. His head swam, his stomach revolted. He opened his mouth to try and warn Jared but couldn’t utter anything more than “Jurg” before he was retching all over Jared’s shiny black Gucci shoes. “Knew I shouldn’t have let you come into work today. I’m takin’ you home. Can you walk?”

Jensen trembled. He wanted to argue. He had meetings all day but he was going to be no good to anyone like this. “Yeah. Please, I wanna go home.”

“Okay, baby. I got you. Lean on me.” Jared’s voice was a soothing rumble as he wrapped an arm around Jensen’s waist and helped him to the door and out into the hallway.

They received a few concerned glances from employees, a few polite inquires. Jared thanked them and gently brushed them off.

The elevator ride did not help Jensen’s stomach and as soon as they were in the parking garage he vomited again, a wet splash on Jared’s already ruined shoes. He felt like crying, he was so miserable. “I’m sorry,” he moaned.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry. Just shoes. Let’s get you home.”

Jensen sighed in relief as he sat in the passenger seat of Jared’s black Charger. He pressed his forehead to the window, the cool glass felt good against his flushed skin. “My car?” He asked as Jared got in the driver’s seat.

“I’ll catch a cab back and drive it home tonight.” Jared started the muscle car’s engine. Jensen braced himself for Jared to drive like a bat out of hell but he didn’t. He kept the speed near twenty five miles an hour, eased around turns, and was gentle when he brought the car to a stop. The downtown landscape sliding by was not helping his stomach; Jensen closed his eyes.

“Jensen?” Jared’s hand was on his shoulder, gently shaking him awake. “Home, babe,” Jared said staring at him from outside the car.

Jared stripped him down to his boxer briefs and tucked him into bed. The Alpha sat perched on the edge, brushing his fingers through Jensen’s hair. “Maybe you should see a doctor.”

Jensen sighed and leaned into the touch. “No. It’s just a stomach bug.” The more he said it the less he believed it. Though it had been twenty years Jensen remembered what it felt like to be pregnant. False pregnancy, he scolded himself.

Jared smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Jen, you’re pale and drawn. You puke sometimes three times a day. You sleep all night, but more than once I’ve come in to your office to find you asleep at your desk. You need to see a doctor, maybe take some time off.”

“Can’t do that. I’m a partner,” Jensen argued.

“Exactly: you’re a partner. Your name is on the damn building. You can do whatever the hell you want. Delegate, Jen. You’re running yourself into the ground, and I’m worried about you. Promise me you’ll see a doctor. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.”

Jared was making that concerned face with the pleading eyes and forehead crinkles; Jensen couldn’t put up a fight anymore. He was too tired and he hated seeing that worried expression constantly on Jared’s face. “Okay. I’ll make an appointment.”

Jared breathed an audible sigh, his brow smoothed out. “Good.” He kissed Jensen’s temple before standing.

“Jare?” Jensen said sleepily, snuggling into Jared’s delicious smelling pillow.

“Yeah?”

“I want some Sprite.” He hoped he didn’t sound as whiny as he thought he did. He fucking hated being sick and feeling helpless.

“Okay. I’ll run and get you some then I have to get back to the office,” Jared said, apologetic.

“I’m s’rry.”

“Don’t be sorry for being sick, Jensen. You can’t help it. I’m sorry I can’t stay here and take care of you. Once the Kripke campaign launches things should settle down.” Jensen closed his eyes, felt Jared press another kiss to his temple. “Sleep good, baby, and call if you feel worse or need anything. I’ll try and get away early.”

“’Kay.” Now that he was in their comfy good-smelling bed, his stomach seemed to settle for the first time all day and Jensen quickly succumbed to sleep.

* * *

Jensen stared at neat line of pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter. Each and every one of them showed a pink plus sign. He could—and did—easily discount one test as a false positive. He was due to go into heat soon, so his hormones were probably elevated and fucked with the test, but he had taken two more to try and disprove the first positive result. Now with three positive pregnancy tests in front of him, he couldn’t deny what he had been suspecting anymore: He was pregnant. The fact thrilled and terrified him. A year ago, this would have been the best possible thing but now…Jensen wanted this baby more than anything but his husband didn’t. He exhaled. First thing first: he had to confirm his pregnancy. He would make an appointment with Dr. McCoy and go from there.

A week later he was in another exam room in Dr. McCoy’s office, sitting on the exam table. As he waited for his Andrologist he thought about all the things that could possibly be wrong. He had missed his heat cycle…maybe he was going into early Andropause, or maybe being off his suppressants for a year had fucked his system up somehow. Maybe he had some form of cancer. He didn’t believe any of those scenarios. He knew he was pregnant, but didn’t see how he could be. During his last visit Dr. McCoy had said he couldn’t get pregnant but yet…here he was.

“Hello, Jensen.” Dr. McCoy greeted him with a smile as she stepped into the exam room.

“Hi,” he gave a nervous little wave and smile. His nausea seemed worse today, but that could be nerves.

“What brings you here to me today?” She sat on the rolling stool, his file on her lap, attentive gaze fixed on him.

“Three positive home pregnancy tests.” He let out a high pitched laugh, ran a hand through his hair. “But I can’t be, right? That’s what you said.”

“Not exactly. I said it was unlikely. Seems as if you and your husband proved me wrong. Feel up to giving a urine sample? We can test it in our lab, though basically that is the same as the tests you have already taken, and I’ll have a nurse draw some blood for a more conclusive test.”

Jensen nodded, everything feeling muted. Dr. McCoy left the exam room and returned a few moments later with a plastic cup and directed him to the restroom down the hall. Jensen had no trouble giving a sample as he had to pee more often. He returned to the exam room where a pretty nurse in blue scrubs was waiting for him.

“Dr. McCoy will be back in to see you soon. In the meantime let me see those veins.”

The nurse, Sophia, read her nametag, took a single tube of blood, and she was leaving just as Dr. McCoy came back in.

“All right, Jensen, our lab urine test confirmed your home test results. I would like to do an ultrasound today for a visual confirmation, since it will be a couple of days before the blood work comes back. Sound good?”

“You mean I can see my baby today?” Inside him a thrill of excitement and expectation unfurled.

“Depending on how far along you are. Lay back for me and raise your shirt. When did you first notice symptoms?”

“I don’t really know.” He flushed at the memory of being taken by Jared over his desk. That had been the last time he and Jared had made love. Everyone in the company was working hard on launching the print campaign for Kripke and organizing the TV spots that would follow. There just weren’t enough hours in the day, it seemed. “The last time my husband and I had sex was over a month ago.”

“And have you had your heat cycle?”

Jensen laid back and pulled his shirt up to expose his abdomen. “I should be in heat now.”

“What are your symptoms?”

“Puking my guts up three times a day—sometimes four.”

“Not unusual, but if it doesn’t go away or gets worse let me know. Any other symptoms?” She pulled the ultrasound machine closer to the exam table, sat on the stool.

“Jared smells really good, better than he usually does, but everything else just turns my stomach.” he hissed as Dr. McCoy squeezed some cold gel on his still flat stomach. “Which does not help my nausea. And I’m tired all the time. That’s about it.”

“There are some over the counter remedies I can recommend for the nausea. If you don’t want to go that route try to eat small, frequent meals and snacks throughout the day and eat slowly. Crackers also help too.” She placed the transducer against his skin, moved it around to spread the gel. Jensen’s heart beat like a hummingbird in his chest as he looked at the blurry black and white monitor. After a few moments the picture cleared and a black spot appeared on the screen.

“This is the gestational sac,” she indicated the area of black. “And this is what is called the yolk sac, it eventually develops into the placenta and this, is your baby.” Dr. McCoy smiled warmly at him, pointing at a small vague bean shape no bigger than her index finger.

Jensen exhaled a shuddering breath as he looked at the monitor. His eyes misted. His baby, the baby he so longed for. His heart swelled with love. “How…how far along, can you tell?”

She kept moving the transducer around, looking intently at the image. “I would say six weeks, give or take a few days.”

Jensen blinked a felt tears trickle down his cheeks. He sniffed and wiped them away. “But…there’s no heartbeat.”

“That’s not so unusual. It’s still early. But I do want to see you back in a couple of weeks. We’ll do another ultrasound and by then we should hear the heartbeat. In the meantime try to avoid stress, which I understand is hard, but try and I’ll write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. Do you have any questions for me?”

“With my history and the damage and scarring…is having this baby a good idea? I mean, do you think this is a risky pregnancy?”

“I do want to keep a close eye on you and your baby. Looking at your ultrasound things seem to be progressing normally and you’re within childbearing age and in excellent health. I don’t foresee any problems. Don’t be afraid to call with any concerns. Congratulations, Jensen. I’m sure your husband is going to be ecstatic.”


Chapter Three