![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Title: Hungry (For Your Love)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rose_the_hat
Pairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles
Rating: NC-17
Words: 23,000-ish
Summary: In which newlyweds Jensen and Jared learn a little more about each other and have dirty sex.
Notes: Forth installment in my October Rust ‘Verse.
I apparently cannot write a short one-shot with these guys to save my life.
This takes place immediately after White Wedding. Away from everything and everyone, the boys get a
chance to let their guard allllll the way down. I hope you enjoy this side of them.
Much appreciation tojdl71 for the beta, helpful suggestions and…the pretty banner! ♥
Title taken from the Winger song.
Jensen is pulled from his alcohol-induced sleep by the sounds of agony. His head feels two sizes too small for his brain, could be why there is a jackhammer behind his eyes, to help his aching brain escape. Oh God. Everything hurts. He thanks fuck he still has his shades over his eyes, but as dark as the lenses are, the sun is still bright in the clear blue sky and it feels like the rays are stabbing his retinas. The sun has moved across the sky and the palm tree was not providing much shade. His watering eyes locate Jared bent over and heaving his guts up into the pile of sand that was Jared’s attempt at a sandcastle making harsh coughs, gagging, and whimpering moans.
His own guts roil and his gorge rises. His own upchuck imminent, he lunges out of his lounger and hits his knees next to his new husband. His sunshades fall from his face. The wind shifts and the smell of mostly used fucking tequila wafts over to him and he vomits up what feels like a gallon of the stuff himself along with a side of digested omelet. The sight makes Jensen hurl again. Oh God that does not help his pounding head. Nor does the sunshine reflecting off of the clear blue water.
“Oh fuck,” Jared moans, clutching at Jensen. “Jense? You okay, baby?”
Jensen heaves again and brings up more tequila, eggs, and bile. He can feel Jared’s hands on him soothing down his back.
>
“Oh Jesus,” Jensen moans as his eyeballs feel like they want to pop out of their sockets and his head explode.
“Jense? Baby?” Jared sounds scared and that pulls Jensen from his misery enough to lift his head and reassure his husband that he’s just horribly hung over.
“Shound’ta had margaritas for breakfast,” Jensen says thickly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Jared gives a weak smile. He holds up a pedantic finger. “Technically, we had omelets for breakfast. Oh, fucking Christ, my head is killing me.”
“This is another reason I don’t fucking get drunk. The hangover. Oh God. I wanna die.”
“Don’t say that,” Jared says, fingers digging into Jensen’s bicep. Jared pushes to his feet and hauls Jensen up. The world turns sickeningly and he gags but nothing comes up. “Let’s sleep it off.”
They slowly trek into the villa, which is blessedly dark. Jared tucks Jensen into bed. He disappears for a few minutes before coming back with tall glasses of icy water and pills. “We drink these and take those.” He hands Jensen the glass of water and three Tylenol. Jensen pops the pills into his mouth and chugs the water. Christ, that feels good. Jared does the same before climbing into bed and cuddling Jensen close.
“’m sorry I got you drunk.”
“s’okay. I’m sorry you face-planted onto your cute sandcastle.”
Jensen drifts off to sleep with Jared’s quiet laugh.
When they wake up again, Jensen’s headache is gone, but there is another pain making itself known all over his chest, arms, and legs. He sits up, hisses as the sheet rakes against….Oh shit. His sunburned skin.
“Jense?” Jared says sleepily. “S’wrong?”
“I should’a put on more sun block.” He moves gingerly and clicks on the bedside lamp. The skin of his chest, shoulders and legs are a very vibrant pink and radiate heat. Goddamn this fair skin of his. Jensen notices irritated that Jared is just a darker tan, bronze instead of gold, than he was before.
“Oh, baby,” Jared says, skims his fingertips down Jensen’s chest.
“Ahh!” Jensen hisses away.
“I’m sorry.” He grabs his phone and begins tapping away. “Think there is any aloe in this place? If not I can head into town for some. The agent said there’s a Jeep here for us to use. Google says oatmeal will help.”
Jensen smiles, that’s Jared ready to go into action and help him however he can. “Is my face sunburned, too?” Jensen asks, because it doesn’t hurt.
Jared examines him, hazel eyes soft with concern as they move over Jensen’s face. “Nah. Your neck looks fine, too. Saved by the palm tree. But I bet if we’d have stayed out there any longer we’d both be in a world of hurt.” Jared climbs out of bed, and heads into the master bath. Jensen can hear him sorting through things in there. “Ah-ha!” He comes back out with a green bottle of aloe. “How about I rub-a-dub-dub some of this on you then I head into town for some sunburn provisions; then, we get you in a cool bath?”
Moving slowly he props himself up against the headboard. “Sounds like a plan.” Jared nods his head and pops the cap on the small bottle of aloe, squirts a generous portion on his hands and applies it to Jensen’s pink and stinging chest and shoulders. Jensen hisses at the first contact; the aloe is cooling, but Jared’s hands on him feels like sandpaper. Jared makes small soothing shushing noises as he applies another coat of the gel across his chest and belly then his legs.
“Better?” Jared asks wiping his hands on a towel.
Jensen nods. He’s aggravated with himself for not applying enough sunscreen. Now, he’s not going to be able to tolerate Jared touching him...on their fucking honeymoon. It feels like the end of the world. Technically they haven’t even consummated their marriage yet. He doesn’t think a facefucking and rim job count.
“S’wrong?” Jared asks, he’s throwing on some khaki shorts and polo shirt and stuffing his wallet in his back pocket.
“I’m sunburned and miserable, Jared,” Jensen snaps.
Jared drops his head. “I’ll be back with sunburn remedies.” He tries to sound cheerful but it’s forced. This isn’t Jared’s fault; plus, he’s going out for things to help Jensen feel better and Jensen has needlessly hurt him with his shortness.
“I’m sorry, Jared. Thank you.”
Jared nods. “Be back soon.”
Jensen gingerly makes his way into the bathroom to piss and brush his teeth. That makes him feel more human, if not better. He lies back down. He kicks off the top sheet and duvet because they hurt his skin. He knows Jared is probably blaming himself for Jensen’s sunburn. It’s all on Jensen. He knows he burns easily. He’s the one that didn’t apply enough sun block, and he’s the one that got so drunk he passed out. He doesn’t know what pisses him off more: the fact that he allowed himself to get sunburned, or the fact that they haven’t properly made love yet and won’t be able to until his sunburn heals. This whole thing sucks out loud.
He must fall into a doze because he starts awake at hearing rattling around in the kitchen.
“Jense!” Jared calls. “I brought food.”
Jensen glances at the clock and sees it is early evening. The sun was beginning to go down, filling the bedroom with a fiery orange light. The waves are crashing as the tide starts to come in. He pushes himself up and climbs out of bed, hissing as every movement causes pain. He sighs and scrapes a hand through his hair, feeling the grit of sand. They probably tracked sand all through the house when they stumbled in, there’s probably sand in the damn bed. He ambles across the bedroom, heading toward the hall. Now, that his hangover has dissipated, he’s kinda hungry.
“Whoa, Jense, where are you goin’?” Jared asks, appearing in the doorway, a plastic shopping bag dangles from his fingers. His eyes sadden as he takes in Jensen’s sunburned skin and the way he holds himself stiff and arms away from his body.
“You said something about food. I’m hungry.”
“It’ll keep. Let’s get you into a cool bath. Get you a little relief.” He pats Jensen on the ass, nudging him into the en suite.
It’s spacious, not as spacious as theirs at home, but clean and nice. The white marble floor feels heated and is a nice contrast to the black marble double vanity. The fixtures are sparkling chrome. There is a bidet, frosted glass shower with a huge rainfall showerhead, and the freestanding oblong-shaped soaking tub Jared was currently filling up.
Jensen’s thankful that he’s only in board shorts, but they still scrape going down his legs, and he hisses through his teeth. He kicks them away, then, turns to poke through the pharmacy bag on the vanity. It appeared like Jared had swept an entire aisle of skincare products into the bag. There were at least three kinds of lotions, four or five kinds of aloe, some little brown bottles of essential oils, a few boxes of oatmeal looking stuff—not Quaker or anything like that, this was some specialty stuff just for sunburns—hydrocortisone cream and other healing ointments.
Jared leaves the tub to fill and rummages through the bag for a little bottle of oil and the oatmeal stuff. “Got anything that looked like it could help,” Jared comments. He opens a couple of envelopes of oatmeal and dumps them into the bath, adding some sort of fragrant oil. “Google says lavender oil can help.” He shrugs, turning off the taps.
Jensen’s heart clenches. No one takes care of him the way Jared does. Jensen examines himself in the mirror. Jared was right, his face, neck, and upper part of his chest are unharmed, but below his collar bone his skin is a deep pink but not quite the ominous lobster red of a severe burn. It’s not as bad as it could have been, but it’s going to put a real damper on their lovemaking for the next few days.
“Here, babe. Test this.”
Jensen dips a hand in the water, swirls it around. Cool but not frigid. “It’s fine. Fucking ridiculous getting sunburned because we got drunk.” Jensen lifts one pink leg, then the other into the cool soothing water. He expected to flinch at the temperature but it felt good on his burned skin. He carefully lowers himself all the way into the tub, feeling some of the heat leech out of his skin.
Jared sat beside the tub, gazing at him with sad, remorseful eyes. “I’m sorry,” Jared says.
“Don’t be. I should have put more sunscreen on. Jared, I know how you are. Don’t blame yourself for this. I got drunk. I passed out, and because I have fair skin, I burned.”
“I made the—”
“Jared, what did I just say?” Jensen puts some authority in his voice. “I chose to drink too much. Not everything that happens to me is your fault. I have agency over myself.”
Jared still looks a little conflicted but his features smooth out and he plays in the water. He positions himself behind Jensen and scritch-scratches his scalp with those long fingers and well-manicured nails. Jensen shivers, not because of the water but the little tingles of pleasure that race down his spine.
“Wan’ me to wash your hair? Give you a shave?”
Jensen opens his eyes, tilts his head back to gaze at Jared. “That would be great, babe.” He puckers his lips, and smacks them obnoxiously, asking for a kiss.
Jared chuckles and presses their lips together. “Shave stuff in that little Gucci bag?”
“Hmm-mmm,” Jensen confirms.
He drifts and listens to Jared bringing in their respective bags of toiletries, and unpack them. He hums softly, almost absently, as he works. After a minute Jensen places the song: Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden. He grins.
“Kay, I’ll wash your hair first,” Jared says softly.
He must have a cup or pitcher or something because Jensen feels lukewarm water being poured over his head. A moment later Jared is gently scrubbing his short hair, causing those pleasurable tingles to trip down his spine again. He inhales the scents of tea tree, peppermint, and eucalyptus.
“Hey, Jense?”
“Hmm?” Jensen answers.
“Tell me about Sterling.”
Jensen’s eyes pop open, but Jared immediately covers them with a cool cloth. “You wanna get shampoo in your eyes?” He admonishes and goes back to gently scrubbing Jensen’s scalp.
After twenty years together he thought he could easily predict what Jared would ask, he never would have predicted Jared asking him about the only other man Jensen had ever been serious with. Jared was possessive to the point of obsessive of Jensen and even if Jensen knew that wasn’t healthy, it made him feel adored and cherished in a way he never had before. It was what had drawn Jensen to Jared in the first place. Jensen never felt as if he had been the center of Sterling’s world, with Jared, he knew he was.
“I won’t be jealous or mad,” Jared says, pouring more water over Jensen’s head to rinse away the shampoo.
Jensen gathers his thoughts as he hears Jared whip up lather in a shaving cup. He hasn’t thought about Sterling, or any of his previous lovers, since he met Jared.
“I met Sterling at UTD. It was between my sophomore and junior years there.”
Jared removes the cool cloth from Jensen’s eyes. He carefully moistens Jensen’s gingery blond scruff with warm water. Jared applies the shaving lather with a fluffy brush all along his cheeks and jaw. He nudges Jensen to lift his neck and swirls some there.
“Sterling was a year older than me,” Jensen continues. “I had seen him around campus some. He was handsome so it was hard not to notice him. Anyway, me and the guys were having dinner at this steakhouse and Sterling was our server.”
Jared sets the shaving cup and brush aside and opens the pearl handled straight razor he favors for shaving. The lights are bright in the bathroom and wink off the deadly sharp blade. Jensen closes his eyes as Jared presses the razor to his throat.
“He flirted with me and I flirted right back,” Jensen says as Jared begins to shave him in long careful strokes, first up his neck, then down his cheeks and his jaw. The rasp of the blade against his coarse whiskers sounds loud in the echoe-y quiet of the bathroom.
“I slipped him my phone number when I paid the check. He called me the next day and that was it.”
Jared finishes shaving around Jensen’s mouth, gaze focused and intense. Jensen doesn’t expect him to comment; he’s busy analyzing, digesting, and probably compartmentalizing what Jensen’s told him.
Jared wipes away any stray bits of lather with a warm cloth. “Better get out of the tub, babe. I know the cold water feels good, but Google says it can dry your skin and you’ll hurt even more.” He pulled the stopper button and the water rushed out of the tub. “Let’s rinse this oatmeal off you.” He took up the hand held sprayer on a gentle setting and washed away the remnants of the soothing oatmeal.
Jensen gingerly climbed out of the tub, and Jared gently blotted away the water. “Robe? Or jammies?”
Jensen grinned. “Pajamas.”
As Jared is helping him into the green silk pajamas Jared asks quietly, “Did you love him?”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t anything like what we have, never could have been.”
Jared’s eyes are shadowed as he buttons Jensen’s pajama top. He doesn’t seem mad or jealous, but his face is unreadable, which is an odd situation for Jensen to be in. Usually he can read Jared, pick up subtle little expressions that no one else can. He will tread lightly.
“You remember how you said that the South and Texas change but don’t change all that much? Sterling and I got shit twice over: once for being a gay couple and again because he’s black and I’m white. Not to mention that I’m also rich as fuck and he was a working stiff. It didn’t bother us, didn’t really have time to. Although I can see now it probably would have caused some problems—the wealth divide, not the color issue. I never gave a fuck about that. What caused him to break up with me was he realized what I am. I think it clashed with the idea he had of me.”
“And what are you?” Jared said sounding defensive. “Smart? Strong? Loyal? Generous? Sexy?”
“A killer. A criminal.” Jensen does catch Jared’s gaze then, there is anger banked in Jared’s hazel blue eyes that burns like amber fire. He’s angry, all right; it’s deep and simmering but there. And Jensen is aroused by it.
“Like me,” Jared says and puts his hands on Jensen’s hips and gives him a gentle kiss.
“Exactly. It’s why we work and Sterling and I could never. You understand me and accept me.”
“Always,” Jared says and ushers Jensen from the bathroom and to the kitchen.
On the breakfast bar there were at least half a dozen bags of take out from a restaurant called The Old Man and The Sea.
“Got pretty much the whole menu. Wasn’t sure what’s here for us to eat, this way we don’t have to worry about starving for a couple days.” He smiles at Jensen and pulls Styrofoam boxes out.
They each take a couple of containers of take out. Jensen takes the lobster tail in lemon butter sauce and Jared pineapple curried shrimp; they both agree to share the Keshi Yena, an Aruban dish made up of a large round ball of cheese stuffed with spiced chicken.
“What about you? Did you love anyone before me?” Jensen asks as they get settled on the sofa.
Jared’s cheeks darken and his eyes shutter from shame. Jensen knows about Jared’s sexual history, knows it is unpleasant and abusive, and wishes he could take his question back.
“Apart from Joey McIntyre from the New Kids? No. I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling for you was love because I had nothing to go on. I remembered my parents and how they were with each other, but that didn’t explain the feelings. I wanted to impress you enough to get myself a job, but after I met you it became more than that, more personal. I wanted to talk to you, spend time with you, make you smile and laugh, keep you safe and help you anyway I could. I wanted to know your favorite band, favorite color, favorite foods, what you did when you weren’t running a Fortune 500 company and a crime syndicate. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know you.”
“You do, better than anyone in the world. When I first saw you, I knew that you had an edge, that you were dangerous as hell. It scared me a little at first because you were an unknown to me, I didn’t know if I could trust you but it turned me on a little too.”
“Jense.”
Jensen pauses, momentarily caught off guard by how troubled Jared looks all of the sudden. “What?”
“Can I tell you something I’ve never told you before?”
“You can tell me anything.”
Jared bites his lip. “You remember I told you that when we met all I wanted was to get a job with you so I could finally have money and a better life?”
“Yeah, of course.” Jensen says slowly, confused by where this is going.
“I orchestrated the whole thing. The hijacking.”
“What?” Jensen is moving to sit up, heedless of the pain in his skin this new information rocking him. What the fuck was Jared telling him? That he planned it? He was the one to steal the shipment of weapons, and when he saw shit was going sideways, he turned on his co-conspirators? “You planned….You stole—”
“No! Not that! Never that! I heard them bullshitting about how easy it would be to take a load of weapons and sorta…pushed them into it. It wasn’t hard.”
“And Pete? Pete was in on this too?”
“Not really. I knew I’d need him though, after I killed the guys driving the rig. He had a CDL and I didn’t. I never told him anything until I killed Ty and Tim. Don’t be mad at me, Jense, or think that I’d betray you. I can take anything, but I can’t take that.” Jared’s pleading eyes glitter over bright.
Jensen sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. He remembered the night after Jared and Pete had reported back to the compound, how he had dressed them down. He also remembered what Jared had said as he left Jensen’s office: “I can’t feel bad about it. Got your attention. That’s really all I really wanted to do.” He couldn’t be mad about it not then and certainly not now, twenty years later. Jared has proven himself, over and over, to be his most loyal, most trusted, man.
“I’m not,” Jensen says. “If Ty and Tim had been loyal to me in the first place, they never would have been manipulated by you. They would have come to me, or killed you themselves.” Jared’s face is still tight with tension and eyes still clouded with guilt. “Jared, let it go. You are capable of unimaginable evil, but the one thing you are not capable of is betraying me.”
“I would never,” Jared confirms, almost savagely. The guilt fades from his hazel eyes and flash with fire. “And I will annihilate anyone who ever does.”
Oh fuck. Jensen’s cock twitches. When Jared gets that look in his eye, that hard tone in his voice, Jensen can’t help but be turned on by it. He swallows, locks gazes with Jared. “I know.”
Because of his sunburn, Jensen has trouble falling asleep. The cool bath had helped, but his hot skin was making itself known again. It’s dark and quiet, but for the sound of the waves. He waits for the anxiety that usually comes at dark and during the night but it’s not there. He’s easy in his mind in a way he hasn’t been since before Misha Collins kidnapped him. He realizes that is mostly because they are away from anything and everyone connected to his Organization. Jensen knows as soon as he gets back to Dallas and their real life it will come back.
“S’wrong?” Jared asks sleepily turning over and facing Jensen, eyes glittering in the low light. “Bad dream? Shit. Want me to turn on a light?”
“No,” Jensen sighs. “Skin’s just on fire.”
Jared gets up and rifles through the pharmacy bag. He holds up a bottle of lotion. “Wanna try this? It’s moisturizing. It’s got aloe and soy in it. Google said—”
“Google said it would help,” Jensen says smiling as pulls himself into a sitting position. “Sure.” He starts unbuttoning his pajama top.
Once he sheds the pajama top and his skin can breathe it feels a bit better. Jared pumps lotion into his hands and Jensen braces for impact. He winces at the first contact; Jared’s hands are rougher than his own and his touch hurts. Jared’s touch, which has only ever given him care, comfort and pleasure, hurts. He knew that it would, of course, but it wounds him in some deep place in his heart. The lotion is cool and soothing but after a few passes of Jared’s hands Jensen has to flinch away.
“I’m sorry,” Jared says softly.
Jensen scoffs and Jared immediately removes his hands.
“Sorry,” Jared says again and bows his head, moving away.
Guilt stabs Jensen’s heart like an icicle. “It’s not you, Jare,” Jensen says a little shortly.
“I know,” Jared says wiping off his hands and climbing back into bed.
Jensen sighs and moves carefully to lie back down. Fuck. He forgot how much a sunburn could hurt. This fucking sucked. Beside him, Jared lays on his back stiff as a corpse. Not like him at all; Jared lies on his stomach and sprawls out those long limbs. Also, his breathing isn’t as deep as it would be if Jared was resting and heading towards sleep. Jensen knows all too well that Jared is over there brooding about Jensen’s sunburn and chastising himself.
“Jared. Don’t,” Jensen says after a few minutes of silence. “I can hear your thoughts. This still isn’t your fault.”
“Maybe not, but I still feel responsible.”
Jensen sighs, and in a series of small careful movements—that still hurt like the fires of hell—turns on his side to face Jared. He knows what he can say to make Jared feel better. Both of them shouldn’t be miserable. “Well, I forgive you.”
Jared relaxes visibly and turns over on his side to gaze at Jensen, adoration in his eyes. “Hey, Jense?”
“Hmm?”
“You asked me where I would be if my parents were still alive. What about you? Where would you be if your dad hadn’t been Iron Alan Ackles? Or if you hadn’t decided to follow in his footsteps.”
Jensen really thinks it over. “Truth is,” he begins. “I can’t picture myself anywhere other than where I am now. I was born and bred for it. I think if I wanted to go in another direction he would have supported me. But I never did. I think I’d just be some anal retentive dude with shellacked hair wearing suspenders and doing a lemon and cayenne pepper cleanse or whatever upwardly mobile corporate ladder climbers do. I like the business-part of what I do, but the shady stuff excites me, stimulates me more.”
“I wish I coulda known your dad. You and he were always close?”
“I wish you could have too,” Jensen says softly. In his heart Jensen knows his dad would have loved Jared and treated him like another son. “Dad and I were always close. He doted on me when I was a kid, always encouraging me in whatever I did. And I always wanted to be just like him. Maybe that should have changed when I was old enough to realize he ran a crime syndicate and killed people, but it didn’t. I went into his office when I was sixteen, he asked me if I was ready to learn the business and I was. More than ready. I had been looking up to him and studying him my whole life.”
“He was cool with you being gay?” Jared asks. “The mafia can be full of toxic masculinity, as the young’ns say.”
Jensen grins and rolls his eyes. “I know. He knew it, too, but no, he didn’t care that I was gay. He just told me to pick someone who knew the score. Same thing I told Colin awhile back, actually. Sterling didn’t know the score and once he did, it was over for us.”
“What about—” Jared breaks off looking uncertain.
“Jare, you can ask me anything. You know that,” Jensen urges gently.
“Your mom? If I had known you didn’t get along as well as I thought I wouldn’t have invited her to our wedding.”
“You didn’t know. I know you look for some kind of parental figure—whether you want to acknowledge it or not—and I wanted to share mine with you. But Donna…I have some resentment issues with her. She can try to play the concerned mom or the damsel after her abduction all she wants but she was always about the money. Money and status. It’s part of why I was always so close to Dad, because she wasn’t there, even before her kidnapping. She was always on some ski trip or going to Milan or Paris to shop, or Monte Carlo to gamble. Breezing in to coo over me and say how much I’d grown, give me an expensive gift, then jet away again.” Jensen can hear the bitterness in his voice. “I wanted so much for her to be different when we invited her for the wedding, but she really isn’t. I’m sorry she disappointed you.”
Jared shrugs. “I have you. And you are all I want.”
“You also have Pete, Colin, and the IC.”
Jared pauses, eyes going wistful and sad before they clear and he smiles a gentle smile. “I have a great family.”
PART 3
Author:
rose_the_hatPairing: Jared Padalecki/Jensen Ackles
Rating: NC-17
Words: 23,000-ish
Summary: In which newlyweds Jensen and Jared learn a little more about each other and have dirty sex.
Notes: Forth installment in my October Rust ‘Verse.
I apparently cannot write a short one-shot with these guys to save my life.
This takes place immediately after White Wedding. Away from everything and everyone, the boys get a
chance to let their guard allllll the way down. I hope you enjoy this side of them.
Much appreciation to
jdl71 for the beta, helpful suggestions and…the pretty banner! ♥Title taken from the Winger song.
Jensen is pulled from his alcohol-induced sleep by the sounds of agony. His head feels two sizes too small for his brain, could be why there is a jackhammer behind his eyes, to help his aching brain escape. Oh God. Everything hurts. He thanks fuck he still has his shades over his eyes, but as dark as the lenses are, the sun is still bright in the clear blue sky and it feels like the rays are stabbing his retinas. The sun has moved across the sky and the palm tree was not providing much shade. His watering eyes locate Jared bent over and heaving his guts up into the pile of sand that was Jared’s attempt at a sandcastle making harsh coughs, gagging, and whimpering moans.
His own guts roil and his gorge rises. His own upchuck imminent, he lunges out of his lounger and hits his knees next to his new husband. His sunshades fall from his face. The wind shifts and the smell of mostly used fucking tequila wafts over to him and he vomits up what feels like a gallon of the stuff himself along with a side of digested omelet. The sight makes Jensen hurl again. Oh God that does not help his pounding head. Nor does the sunshine reflecting off of the clear blue water.
“Oh fuck,” Jared moans, clutching at Jensen. “Jense? You okay, baby?”
Jensen heaves again and brings up more tequila, eggs, and bile. He can feel Jared’s hands on him soothing down his back.
>
“Oh Jesus,” Jensen moans as his eyeballs feel like they want to pop out of their sockets and his head explode.
“Jense? Baby?” Jared sounds scared and that pulls Jensen from his misery enough to lift his head and reassure his husband that he’s just horribly hung over.
“Shound’ta had margaritas for breakfast,” Jensen says thickly wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.
Jared gives a weak smile. He holds up a pedantic finger. “Technically, we had omelets for breakfast. Oh, fucking Christ, my head is killing me.”
“This is another reason I don’t fucking get drunk. The hangover. Oh God. I wanna die.”
“Don’t say that,” Jared says, fingers digging into Jensen’s bicep. Jared pushes to his feet and hauls Jensen up. The world turns sickeningly and he gags but nothing comes up. “Let’s sleep it off.”
They slowly trek into the villa, which is blessedly dark. Jared tucks Jensen into bed. He disappears for a few minutes before coming back with tall glasses of icy water and pills. “We drink these and take those.” He hands Jensen the glass of water and three Tylenol. Jensen pops the pills into his mouth and chugs the water. Christ, that feels good. Jared does the same before climbing into bed and cuddling Jensen close.
“’m sorry I got you drunk.”
“s’okay. I’m sorry you face-planted onto your cute sandcastle.”
Jensen drifts off to sleep with Jared’s quiet laugh.
When they wake up again, Jensen’s headache is gone, but there is another pain making itself known all over his chest, arms, and legs. He sits up, hisses as the sheet rakes against….Oh shit. His sunburned skin.
“Jense?” Jared says sleepily. “S’wrong?”
“I should’a put on more sun block.” He moves gingerly and clicks on the bedside lamp. The skin of his chest, shoulders and legs are a very vibrant pink and radiate heat. Goddamn this fair skin of his. Jensen notices irritated that Jared is just a darker tan, bronze instead of gold, than he was before.
“Oh, baby,” Jared says, skims his fingertips down Jensen’s chest.
“Ahh!” Jensen hisses away.
“I’m sorry.” He grabs his phone and begins tapping away. “Think there is any aloe in this place? If not I can head into town for some. The agent said there’s a Jeep here for us to use. Google says oatmeal will help.”
Jensen smiles, that’s Jared ready to go into action and help him however he can. “Is my face sunburned, too?” Jensen asks, because it doesn’t hurt.
Jared examines him, hazel eyes soft with concern as they move over Jensen’s face. “Nah. Your neck looks fine, too. Saved by the palm tree. But I bet if we’d have stayed out there any longer we’d both be in a world of hurt.” Jared climbs out of bed, and heads into the master bath. Jensen can hear him sorting through things in there. “Ah-ha!” He comes back out with a green bottle of aloe. “How about I rub-a-dub-dub some of this on you then I head into town for some sunburn provisions; then, we get you in a cool bath?”
Moving slowly he props himself up against the headboard. “Sounds like a plan.” Jared nods his head and pops the cap on the small bottle of aloe, squirts a generous portion on his hands and applies it to Jensen’s pink and stinging chest and shoulders. Jensen hisses at the first contact; the aloe is cooling, but Jared’s hands on him feels like sandpaper. Jared makes small soothing shushing noises as he applies another coat of the gel across his chest and belly then his legs.
“Better?” Jared asks wiping his hands on a towel.
Jensen nods. He’s aggravated with himself for not applying enough sunscreen. Now, he’s not going to be able to tolerate Jared touching him...on their fucking honeymoon. It feels like the end of the world. Technically they haven’t even consummated their marriage yet. He doesn’t think a facefucking and rim job count.
“S’wrong?” Jared asks, he’s throwing on some khaki shorts and polo shirt and stuffing his wallet in his back pocket.
“I’m sunburned and miserable, Jared,” Jensen snaps.
Jared drops his head. “I’ll be back with sunburn remedies.” He tries to sound cheerful but it’s forced. This isn’t Jared’s fault; plus, he’s going out for things to help Jensen feel better and Jensen has needlessly hurt him with his shortness.
“I’m sorry, Jared. Thank you.”
Jared nods. “Be back soon.”
Jensen gingerly makes his way into the bathroom to piss and brush his teeth. That makes him feel more human, if not better. He lies back down. He kicks off the top sheet and duvet because they hurt his skin. He knows Jared is probably blaming himself for Jensen’s sunburn. It’s all on Jensen. He knows he burns easily. He’s the one that didn’t apply enough sun block, and he’s the one that got so drunk he passed out. He doesn’t know what pisses him off more: the fact that he allowed himself to get sunburned, or the fact that they haven’t properly made love yet and won’t be able to until his sunburn heals. This whole thing sucks out loud.
He must fall into a doze because he starts awake at hearing rattling around in the kitchen.
“Jense!” Jared calls. “I brought food.”
Jensen glances at the clock and sees it is early evening. The sun was beginning to go down, filling the bedroom with a fiery orange light. The waves are crashing as the tide starts to come in. He pushes himself up and climbs out of bed, hissing as every movement causes pain. He sighs and scrapes a hand through his hair, feeling the grit of sand. They probably tracked sand all through the house when they stumbled in, there’s probably sand in the damn bed. He ambles across the bedroom, heading toward the hall. Now, that his hangover has dissipated, he’s kinda hungry.
“Whoa, Jense, where are you goin’?” Jared asks, appearing in the doorway, a plastic shopping bag dangles from his fingers. His eyes sadden as he takes in Jensen’s sunburned skin and the way he holds himself stiff and arms away from his body.
“You said something about food. I’m hungry.”
“It’ll keep. Let’s get you into a cool bath. Get you a little relief.” He pats Jensen on the ass, nudging him into the en suite.
It’s spacious, not as spacious as theirs at home, but clean and nice. The white marble floor feels heated and is a nice contrast to the black marble double vanity. The fixtures are sparkling chrome. There is a bidet, frosted glass shower with a huge rainfall showerhead, and the freestanding oblong-shaped soaking tub Jared was currently filling up.
Jensen’s thankful that he’s only in board shorts, but they still scrape going down his legs, and he hisses through his teeth. He kicks them away, then, turns to poke through the pharmacy bag on the vanity. It appeared like Jared had swept an entire aisle of skincare products into the bag. There were at least three kinds of lotions, four or five kinds of aloe, some little brown bottles of essential oils, a few boxes of oatmeal looking stuff—not Quaker or anything like that, this was some specialty stuff just for sunburns—hydrocortisone cream and other healing ointments.
Jared leaves the tub to fill and rummages through the bag for a little bottle of oil and the oatmeal stuff. “Got anything that looked like it could help,” Jared comments. He opens a couple of envelopes of oatmeal and dumps them into the bath, adding some sort of fragrant oil. “Google says lavender oil can help.” He shrugs, turning off the taps.
Jensen’s heart clenches. No one takes care of him the way Jared does. Jensen examines himself in the mirror. Jared was right, his face, neck, and upper part of his chest are unharmed, but below his collar bone his skin is a deep pink but not quite the ominous lobster red of a severe burn. It’s not as bad as it could have been, but it’s going to put a real damper on their lovemaking for the next few days.
“Here, babe. Test this.”
Jensen dips a hand in the water, swirls it around. Cool but not frigid. “It’s fine. Fucking ridiculous getting sunburned because we got drunk.” Jensen lifts one pink leg, then the other into the cool soothing water. He expected to flinch at the temperature but it felt good on his burned skin. He carefully lowers himself all the way into the tub, feeling some of the heat leech out of his skin.
Jared sat beside the tub, gazing at him with sad, remorseful eyes. “I’m sorry,” Jared says.
“Don’t be. I should have put more sunscreen on. Jared, I know how you are. Don’t blame yourself for this. I got drunk. I passed out, and because I have fair skin, I burned.”
“I made the—”
“Jared, what did I just say?” Jensen puts some authority in his voice. “I chose to drink too much. Not everything that happens to me is your fault. I have agency over myself.”
Jared still looks a little conflicted but his features smooth out and he plays in the water. He positions himself behind Jensen and scritch-scratches his scalp with those long fingers and well-manicured nails. Jensen shivers, not because of the water but the little tingles of pleasure that race down his spine.
“Wan’ me to wash your hair? Give you a shave?”
Jensen opens his eyes, tilts his head back to gaze at Jared. “That would be great, babe.” He puckers his lips, and smacks them obnoxiously, asking for a kiss.
Jared chuckles and presses their lips together. “Shave stuff in that little Gucci bag?”
“Hmm-mmm,” Jensen confirms.
He drifts and listens to Jared bringing in their respective bags of toiletries, and unpack them. He hums softly, almost absently, as he works. After a minute Jensen places the song: Run to the Hills by Iron Maiden. He grins.
“Kay, I’ll wash your hair first,” Jared says softly.
He must have a cup or pitcher or something because Jensen feels lukewarm water being poured over his head. A moment later Jared is gently scrubbing his short hair, causing those pleasurable tingles to trip down his spine again. He inhales the scents of tea tree, peppermint, and eucalyptus.
“Hey, Jense?”
“Hmm?” Jensen answers.
“Tell me about Sterling.”
Jensen’s eyes pop open, but Jared immediately covers them with a cool cloth. “You wanna get shampoo in your eyes?” He admonishes and goes back to gently scrubbing Jensen’s scalp.
After twenty years together he thought he could easily predict what Jared would ask, he never would have predicted Jared asking him about the only other man Jensen had ever been serious with. Jared was possessive to the point of obsessive of Jensen and even if Jensen knew that wasn’t healthy, it made him feel adored and cherished in a way he never had before. It was what had drawn Jensen to Jared in the first place. Jensen never felt as if he had been the center of Sterling’s world, with Jared, he knew he was.
“I won’t be jealous or mad,” Jared says, pouring more water over Jensen’s head to rinse away the shampoo.
Jensen gathers his thoughts as he hears Jared whip up lather in a shaving cup. He hasn’t thought about Sterling, or any of his previous lovers, since he met Jared.
“I met Sterling at UTD. It was between my sophomore and junior years there.”
Jared removes the cool cloth from Jensen’s eyes. He carefully moistens Jensen’s gingery blond scruff with warm water. Jared applies the shaving lather with a fluffy brush all along his cheeks and jaw. He nudges Jensen to lift his neck and swirls some there.
“Sterling was a year older than me,” Jensen continues. “I had seen him around campus some. He was handsome so it was hard not to notice him. Anyway, me and the guys were having dinner at this steakhouse and Sterling was our server.”
Jared sets the shaving cup and brush aside and opens the pearl handled straight razor he favors for shaving. The lights are bright in the bathroom and wink off the deadly sharp blade. Jensen closes his eyes as Jared presses the razor to his throat.
“He flirted with me and I flirted right back,” Jensen says as Jared begins to shave him in long careful strokes, first up his neck, then down his cheeks and his jaw. The rasp of the blade against his coarse whiskers sounds loud in the echoe-y quiet of the bathroom.
“I slipped him my phone number when I paid the check. He called me the next day and that was it.”
Jared finishes shaving around Jensen’s mouth, gaze focused and intense. Jensen doesn’t expect him to comment; he’s busy analyzing, digesting, and probably compartmentalizing what Jensen’s told him.
Jared wipes away any stray bits of lather with a warm cloth. “Better get out of the tub, babe. I know the cold water feels good, but Google says it can dry your skin and you’ll hurt even more.” He pulled the stopper button and the water rushed out of the tub. “Let’s rinse this oatmeal off you.” He took up the hand held sprayer on a gentle setting and washed away the remnants of the soothing oatmeal.
Jensen gingerly climbed out of the tub, and Jared gently blotted away the water. “Robe? Or jammies?”
Jensen grinned. “Pajamas.”
As Jared is helping him into the green silk pajamas Jared asks quietly, “Did you love him?”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t anything like what we have, never could have been.”
Jared’s eyes are shadowed as he buttons Jensen’s pajama top. He doesn’t seem mad or jealous, but his face is unreadable, which is an odd situation for Jensen to be in. Usually he can read Jared, pick up subtle little expressions that no one else can. He will tread lightly.
“You remember how you said that the South and Texas change but don’t change all that much? Sterling and I got shit twice over: once for being a gay couple and again because he’s black and I’m white. Not to mention that I’m also rich as fuck and he was a working stiff. It didn’t bother us, didn’t really have time to. Although I can see now it probably would have caused some problems—the wealth divide, not the color issue. I never gave a fuck about that. What caused him to break up with me was he realized what I am. I think it clashed with the idea he had of me.”
“And what are you?” Jared said sounding defensive. “Smart? Strong? Loyal? Generous? Sexy?”
“A killer. A criminal.” Jensen does catch Jared’s gaze then, there is anger banked in Jared’s hazel blue eyes that burns like amber fire. He’s angry, all right; it’s deep and simmering but there. And Jensen is aroused by it.
“Like me,” Jared says and puts his hands on Jensen’s hips and gives him a gentle kiss.
“Exactly. It’s why we work and Sterling and I could never. You understand me and accept me.”
“Always,” Jared says and ushers Jensen from the bathroom and to the kitchen.
On the breakfast bar there were at least half a dozen bags of take out from a restaurant called The Old Man and The Sea.
“Got pretty much the whole menu. Wasn’t sure what’s here for us to eat, this way we don’t have to worry about starving for a couple days.” He smiles at Jensen and pulls Styrofoam boxes out.
They each take a couple of containers of take out. Jensen takes the lobster tail in lemon butter sauce and Jared pineapple curried shrimp; they both agree to share the Keshi Yena, an Aruban dish made up of a large round ball of cheese stuffed with spiced chicken.
“What about you? Did you love anyone before me?” Jensen asks as they get settled on the sofa.
Jared’s cheeks darken and his eyes shutter from shame. Jensen knows about Jared’s sexual history, knows it is unpleasant and abusive, and wishes he could take his question back.
“Apart from Joey McIntyre from the New Kids? No. I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling for you was love because I had nothing to go on. I remembered my parents and how they were with each other, but that didn’t explain the feelings. I wanted to impress you enough to get myself a job, but after I met you it became more than that, more personal. I wanted to talk to you, spend time with you, make you smile and laugh, keep you safe and help you anyway I could. I wanted to know your favorite band, favorite color, favorite foods, what you did when you weren’t running a Fortune 500 company and a crime syndicate. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know you.”
“You do, better than anyone in the world. When I first saw you, I knew that you had an edge, that you were dangerous as hell. It scared me a little at first because you were an unknown to me, I didn’t know if I could trust you but it turned me on a little too.”
“Jense.”
Jensen pauses, momentarily caught off guard by how troubled Jared looks all of the sudden. “What?”
“Can I tell you something I’ve never told you before?”
“You can tell me anything.”
Jared bites his lip. “You remember I told you that when we met all I wanted was to get a job with you so I could finally have money and a better life?”
“Yeah, of course.” Jensen says slowly, confused by where this is going.
“I orchestrated the whole thing. The hijacking.”
“What?” Jensen is moving to sit up, heedless of the pain in his skin this new information rocking him. What the fuck was Jared telling him? That he planned it? He was the one to steal the shipment of weapons, and when he saw shit was going sideways, he turned on his co-conspirators? “You planned….You stole—”
“No! Not that! Never that! I heard them bullshitting about how easy it would be to take a load of weapons and sorta…pushed them into it. It wasn’t hard.”
“And Pete? Pete was in on this too?”
“Not really. I knew I’d need him though, after I killed the guys driving the rig. He had a CDL and I didn’t. I never told him anything until I killed Ty and Tim. Don’t be mad at me, Jense, or think that I’d betray you. I can take anything, but I can’t take that.” Jared’s pleading eyes glitter over bright.
Jensen sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. He remembered the night after Jared and Pete had reported back to the compound, how he had dressed them down. He also remembered what Jared had said as he left Jensen’s office: “I can’t feel bad about it. Got your attention. That’s really all I really wanted to do.” He couldn’t be mad about it not then and certainly not now, twenty years later. Jared has proven himself, over and over, to be his most loyal, most trusted, man.
“I’m not,” Jensen says. “If Ty and Tim had been loyal to me in the first place, they never would have been manipulated by you. They would have come to me, or killed you themselves.” Jared’s face is still tight with tension and eyes still clouded with guilt. “Jared, let it go. You are capable of unimaginable evil, but the one thing you are not capable of is betraying me.”
“I would never,” Jared confirms, almost savagely. The guilt fades from his hazel eyes and flash with fire. “And I will annihilate anyone who ever does.”
Oh fuck. Jensen’s cock twitches. When Jared gets that look in his eye, that hard tone in his voice, Jensen can’t help but be turned on by it. He swallows, locks gazes with Jared. “I know.”
Because of his sunburn, Jensen has trouble falling asleep. The cool bath had helped, but his hot skin was making itself known again. It’s dark and quiet, but for the sound of the waves. He waits for the anxiety that usually comes at dark and during the night but it’s not there. He’s easy in his mind in a way he hasn’t been since before Misha Collins kidnapped him. He realizes that is mostly because they are away from anything and everyone connected to his Organization. Jensen knows as soon as he gets back to Dallas and their real life it will come back.
“S’wrong?” Jared asks sleepily turning over and facing Jensen, eyes glittering in the low light. “Bad dream? Shit. Want me to turn on a light?”
“No,” Jensen sighs. “Skin’s just on fire.”
Jared gets up and rifles through the pharmacy bag. He holds up a bottle of lotion. “Wanna try this? It’s moisturizing. It’s got aloe and soy in it. Google said—”
“Google said it would help,” Jensen says smiling as pulls himself into a sitting position. “Sure.” He starts unbuttoning his pajama top.
Once he sheds the pajama top and his skin can breathe it feels a bit better. Jared pumps lotion into his hands and Jensen braces for impact. He winces at the first contact; Jared’s hands are rougher than his own and his touch hurts. Jared’s touch, which has only ever given him care, comfort and pleasure, hurts. He knew that it would, of course, but it wounds him in some deep place in his heart. The lotion is cool and soothing but after a few passes of Jared’s hands Jensen has to flinch away.
“I’m sorry,” Jared says softly.
Jensen scoffs and Jared immediately removes his hands.
“Sorry,” Jared says again and bows his head, moving away.
Guilt stabs Jensen’s heart like an icicle. “It’s not you, Jare,” Jensen says a little shortly.
“I know,” Jared says wiping off his hands and climbing back into bed.
Jensen sighs and moves carefully to lie back down. Fuck. He forgot how much a sunburn could hurt. This fucking sucked. Beside him, Jared lays on his back stiff as a corpse. Not like him at all; Jared lies on his stomach and sprawls out those long limbs. Also, his breathing isn’t as deep as it would be if Jared was resting and heading towards sleep. Jensen knows all too well that Jared is over there brooding about Jensen’s sunburn and chastising himself.
“Jared. Don’t,” Jensen says after a few minutes of silence. “I can hear your thoughts. This still isn’t your fault.”
“Maybe not, but I still feel responsible.”
Jensen sighs, and in a series of small careful movements—that still hurt like the fires of hell—turns on his side to face Jared. He knows what he can say to make Jared feel better. Both of them shouldn’t be miserable. “Well, I forgive you.”
Jared relaxes visibly and turns over on his side to gaze at Jensen, adoration in his eyes. “Hey, Jense?”
“Hmm?”
“You asked me where I would be if my parents were still alive. What about you? Where would you be if your dad hadn’t been Iron Alan Ackles? Or if you hadn’t decided to follow in his footsteps.”
Jensen really thinks it over. “Truth is,” he begins. “I can’t picture myself anywhere other than where I am now. I was born and bred for it. I think if I wanted to go in another direction he would have supported me. But I never did. I think I’d just be some anal retentive dude with shellacked hair wearing suspenders and doing a lemon and cayenne pepper cleanse or whatever upwardly mobile corporate ladder climbers do. I like the business-part of what I do, but the shady stuff excites me, stimulates me more.”
“I wish I coulda known your dad. You and he were always close?”
“I wish you could have too,” Jensen says softly. In his heart Jensen knows his dad would have loved Jared and treated him like another son. “Dad and I were always close. He doted on me when I was a kid, always encouraging me in whatever I did. And I always wanted to be just like him. Maybe that should have changed when I was old enough to realize he ran a crime syndicate and killed people, but it didn’t. I went into his office when I was sixteen, he asked me if I was ready to learn the business and I was. More than ready. I had been looking up to him and studying him my whole life.”
“He was cool with you being gay?” Jared asks. “The mafia can be full of toxic masculinity, as the young’ns say.”
Jensen grins and rolls his eyes. “I know. He knew it, too, but no, he didn’t care that I was gay. He just told me to pick someone who knew the score. Same thing I told Colin awhile back, actually. Sterling didn’t know the score and once he did, it was over for us.”
“What about—” Jared breaks off looking uncertain.
“Jare, you can ask me anything. You know that,” Jensen urges gently.
“Your mom? If I had known you didn’t get along as well as I thought I wouldn’t have invited her to our wedding.”
“You didn’t know. I know you look for some kind of parental figure—whether you want to acknowledge it or not—and I wanted to share mine with you. But Donna…I have some resentment issues with her. She can try to play the concerned mom or the damsel after her abduction all she wants but she was always about the money. Money and status. It’s part of why I was always so close to Dad, because she wasn’t there, even before her kidnapping. She was always on some ski trip or going to Milan or Paris to shop, or Monte Carlo to gamble. Breezing in to coo over me and say how much I’d grown, give me an expensive gift, then jet away again.” Jensen can hear the bitterness in his voice. “I wanted so much for her to be different when we invited her for the wedding, but she really isn’t. I’m sorry she disappointed you.”
Jared shrugs. “I have you. And you are all I want.”
“You also have Pete, Colin, and the IC.”
Jared pauses, eyes going wistful and sad before they clear and he smiles a gentle smile. “I have a great family.”
PART 3
